The Log In My Eye

"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your wife's eye."
                                                            Jesus (and me)


      Unmet expectations.  I wish had a nickle for every couple that came up to the center with this problem.  I'd retire. Life is full of them but we tend not to think about them.  We just have this feeling we have been wronged is some terrible way.  It starts out as a child.  Do you ever remember something that looked so good and smelled so good and tasted so badly.  My experience with this coffee.  I will admit that I am a coffee drinker, however my first experience didn't go that well.  I wanted to have my first cup the way my dad always had his coffee. Black.  Needless to say it didn't taste nearly as good as it smelled (then).  

   Expectations don't end there.  Remember how much you looked forward to the amusement park, only to find lines that were hours long? One that was rather personal to me was if I owned a certain guitar and amplifier I would be a great guitar player.  If I purchase this truck I will be more "manly".  If I purchase this sports car I will feel rich and women will want me.  I'm having a hey day here with the guys, but ladies, one doesn't have to look to far as far a clothing and hairstyles go.  Unmet expectations.

   These are the easy ones that are on the surface.  Not much harm here because they are so obvious.  There are more subtle ones that can kill a relationship.  It's called raising the bar.  How about the woman who doesn't believe her husband loves her.  She says to herself "if he would only bring me some flowers I would know he cares".  If her husband has not brought her flowers in the last year, it is highly unlikely he will think about it on his way home that night.  He arrives home with no flowers and she is convinced he doesn't care.  It doesn't end there.  What about the man who goes to work every day to support his family, feeling like a paycheck.  He thinks to himself "if only she tells me tonight how much she appreciates my sacrifice" but he doesn't hear it.  Instead his wife at home with 2 small children is thinking "if only he would tell me how much he appreciates my sacrifice, I used to be a career woman".  Both go to bed sad and distant.  Nobody cares.

   I'm not saying that the man shouldn't bring her flowers, or be appreciated. All I am saying is a lot of these things are learned behaviors.  Men can learn to notice more things (not as well as someone who has a natural ability), but they can get better.  Women can learn to communicate more clearly to men.  I am a trained expert so I know this stuff. 

   That was, I knew it for everybody else including my wife.  I had looked at her schedule and had planned my around hers.  Being the good husband that I am, I made sure I was spending time with her.  One of her appointments cancelled and she decided she was going to rearrange her schedule.  I was upset at her nerve.  I explained how I had already figured out what I was going to do, and why didn't she change the calendar? She had already decided what she wanted to do and didn't tell me. I let her know it too!  Then I looked at the calendar, and where my plans were supposed to be there was nothing.  I didn't recall telling her what my plans were. Unmet expectations.  I was "accusing" her of the exact same thing I was doing.  Unmet expectations.  They run deeply in all of us, and we can see the speck far easier than we can see the log.