Why don't we have educators instead of counselors?

      Who taught you to use a fork and spoon, or to tie your shoes?  Odds are it was a parent or grandparent.  Who taught you to read?  Maybe a teacher or a parent.  Who taught you calculus?  In my case it was nobody since I still don't understand it!

   There are many ways to learn.  The most obvious is trial and error.  Sometimes we just observe.  If I touch a hot stove, I learn very quickly not to touch it again.  Sometimes it can be a combination of things.  Using the "hot stove" again, I will say that my parents had warned me about it.  I had become "educated" on the subject, but the practical experience really drove the point home.  Since I could believe my parents about the stove, I could also believe them when they told me the grilled cheese sandwich was hot!

   Probably the most formal way to learn is in school.  Be it elementary, middle, high, or college it is a structured approach to an area of study.  Some classes I wished I had paid a little more attention in, and some I haven't really used that much.  Some of the classes I never used that much others found indispensable.  Most of the time it is a matter of how we choose to apply our education.

   I grew up believing one day I would be married (I am).  I grew up believing my wife would assume the same role as my mother (she didn't) and I would be like my father (I'm not).  I also assumed that the family dynamics would be the same (they're not).

   There was not a single class taught to me during elementary, middle, high, or college that taught me how to be married.  I find it rather ironic that the one thing I had planned on doing all my life (even though my career choices changed frequently as a child) was on having a family.  I realize this is not the dream for all children, but you will find it is the dream of most.

   Just as eating with a fork is learned behavior, and calculus is a learned behavior, relationships are a learned behavior.  Nobody told me that women are relationship oriented and boys are object oriented.  This is why women tend to like to keep their thumbs on the pulse of all things social in high school, and boys like to work on cars.  Nobody told me when I walked away from my wife during an argument so I wouldn't say something I would regret later, that I was rejecting her.  I thought I was doing the right thing!  I didn't understand that by putting her on a pedestal I was asking her to be "perfect" to my expectations, which is unfair and something nobody is capable of.  The irony is I didn't know I was doing any of these things, they were all lessons learned by the "hot stove" method.  How nice it would have been to have known in advance some of the very basic things in a marriage relationship.

   Just a little education goes a very long way.  Most people (men and women) want to feel "understood" in their relationship.  It is a sign of intimacy.  If you are a women and expect the latest surveys in Cosmopolitan to bring you closer to your honey, you might want to reconsider.  If your a man and you expect the latest survey in Hot Rod to bring you closer to the woman you love, it's possible you might be wrong.

   If however, as a spin on the above, if you are a woman and at least try to read a portion of Hot Rod, you are educating yourself into something that is important to him.  It works the same way for a man and Cosmopolitan.

   This brings me to the title of the post, which is why don't we have educators instead of counselors?  Knowledge is power. And my answer is, I don't know.  But I do know in our office (where we educate more than counsel)  education works.  It's amazing how understanding can bring you closer together!