The Measure of a Man

   What is the measure of a man? Since this blog is about “The Truth about Marriage” this might sound a bit off topic. Marriage is about “we” and “us”, but it would seem to me the raw material you start with might have a little effect on the outcome. Don't we travel the world looking for our “soul-mate”?

So what is the measure of a man? In search of this answer (and how it applied to marriage) I asked my wife. Not sure about the rest of you, but my wife was able to give me a rather detailed list of what a good husband should be. I was able to check a few boxes on the list, but not all. Not even remotely close to all. Somehow I'll bet if most men asked their wives they'd get a similar response.

I thought for a moment about men I admired in history. One of my favorites was Abraham Lincoln. A man who is associated closely with the abolition of slavery. Why was he willing to risk dividing a whole country on the issue of slavery? In his day it was a common practice so evidently a lot of people saw nothing wrong with it, or at least didn't say anything. It is the why to this question that I believe is the true measure of a man. What was his moral compass? What is my moral compass?

I got married for many selfish reasons, although I didn't realize it at the time. Loretta made me “happy”, I longed to be with her, she brought out the best in me, she fulfilled a longing in my heart. Although these things were written in past tense (as in the day I married her) I still feel this way, and they are still selfish. Why? Because they are all about me and my happiness, and not about hers. They are also a poor example of the measure of a man.

I believe the true measure of a man lies in his ability to develop traits within himself. Is he patient and kind? Is he boastful and is he envious of what others have? Does he become angry easily and keep a long list of those who have wronged him? Does he rejoice in the failure of his enemies or is he happy when those around him succeed, even if the blessing missed him? Does he protect those who can't protect themselves and does he think the best of others?

You could sum the above paragraph up with one sentence, what is his ability to love others? I believe this is the true measure of a man. It is of great value simply because by being who he is he will lead others the same direction. I also believe this is his primary duty to his wife and family. Her happiness is a fleeting target which will change day to day. Most women long to be known and loved. To be able to love his wife and his family,not for what they do for him (my selfish reasons for getting married) but for who they are, that is the true measure of a man.