What kind of question is "Can Love Ruin a Marriage"? Well, can it? What if you're no longer "in love" with your spouse? Before we start let's take a moment to define it. I've heard the phrases "I love football", "I love my car", "I love my wife", "I love Italian food", and "I love my cat". Below is what I came up with when I Googled a definition for love.
noun
- 1.an intense feeling of deep affection.
- 2.a person or thing that one loves.
verb
1.
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).
I would submit to you that everything I mentioned at the top of the post would fit the definition as a noun. Ah, you say, so the definition for my spouse must be the verb. Not exactly. Although I hope you do have a deep romantic and sexual attraction to your spouse I would hope that you love your parents and family and feel no such attraction to them!
Using the definition of love listed above, it will in fact ruin a marriage. The problem lies in that it is based on a feeling, or emotion. When the feeling is gone, you no longer love that person. When you no longer love the person, the tendency is to believe the feeling will last forever. After all, didn't you believe the "in love" feeling would last forever before you were married? In order for love to in fact hold a marriage together we must redefine it. I'll take a stab at a new definition by plagiarizing an old author.
Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude or self seeking, and it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
Paul
I believe the author above hit the nail on the head. The most ironic thing I have found about using the last definition is when I practice those things as best I can I seem to have the feelings in the first definition towards my wife. The really nice thing about this definition is I can love my parents and family all the while creating a strong emotional bond. I have witnessed many couples decide on this kind of love as an act of will, and take a marriage void of emotional love and completely change it. This kind of love will never ruin a marriage, but always make it stronger. The strongest emotional ties almost always come after the actions.
In a book by C.S. Lewis, an elder demon pointed this out to his apprentice by making this comment:
"They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, the preservation of chastity, and for the transmission of life as something lower than a storm of emotion."
If we would all choose Paul's definition we could have both.
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