The Trouble With Feelings

   I believe both sexes believe that their attitudes about feelings are "right".  Unfortunately for the folks reading this blog, since I am a male I will definitely have a male bias, although hopefully it will be tempered with enough education to make sense to both sexes.

   As a man I find the area of feelings fascinating. Confusing but fascinating.  For those females reading this please take a moment and think from a mans perspective (if you dare).  Yes, men have feelings but we have learned from a very early age to suppress most of them.  This is not necessarily a bad thing contrary to the belief of a large number of women.  For example, let's just look at a couple of basic differences between the sexes while growing up.  Boys are more physical.  We like sports, we like fishing, we like competition. So lets take a 12 year old that strikes out in baseball who lets his emotions run wild, and put a nice wooden club in his hands.......not good.  Or how about someone that was tackled in football a bit too hard.  Often a fight will break out.  This is no way shape or form means women can't play sports because of their emotions.......they do.  But what it does mean is men are more prone to get physical when their emotions get the best of them.  If you'd care to argue this point just look at the domestic violence statistics.   Women tend to fight with words, men tend to fight with fists (or guns, or clubs, or whatever is handy).

   Now that I've laid the foundation, lets look at some very big positives about the emotional makeup of women.  I am aware that Loretta and I have children.  Loretta is aware of what is happening in their lives, who their friends are, and what trials and tribulations they are going through.  I listen to them when I see them, Loretta calls and asks how they are doing.  Men believe words are to convey information, women believe words are to convey feelings.  Big difference!

   So what could possibly be wrong with this system, what are the trouble with feelings.  The problem comes with empathy.  I believe it also comes with core values.  I believe that men and women see the values they hold differently.  Per my usual way of looking at things, my tendency will be to exaggerate, but the underlying principle (core value) remains the same.  So in the interest of observation.......

   Little Billy Brat gets a new puppy.  He promptly gives it a bone and teaches it to dig up Mrs. Grumbles flower garden.  Mrs. Grumble comes home to find her garden a mess.  She worked so hard on it.  This is how she spent her days while Mr. Grumble was away at work.  Mr. Grumble comes home from work and sees Mrs. Grumble in tears repairing her garden.  About that time Billy's father Mr. Brat comes home from work and finds out about the mess.  He sees Mrs. Grumble and apologizes for Billy's behavior and offers to buy Mrs. Grumble more flowers.  He also promises he will pay more attention and make sure Billy and his dog stay away from Mrs. Grumbles flower bed.

   Mrs. Grumble wants the police called and little Billy Brat to do 5-10 years hard time.  When she tells Mr. Brat that his child is of the devil, that she is going to beat him with a baseball bat and burn the Brat house down with everyone inside she looks to Mr. Grumble.  When Mr. Grumble doesn't say anything (mostly due to the surprise and the fact that the police are on the way), he is seen by Mrs. Grumble as the scum of the universe.  How could he possibly not care about her garden.  How could he possibly not care about here feelings.  HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY NOT CARE ABOUT HER!

   Now it's the next day.  Mrs. Grumble has softened her stance about burning the house down, but still thinks little Billy Brat should die.  Nothing short of a blood sacrifice will do.  When Mr. Grumble does not agree, he is accused of being uncaring and not supporting her. She will soon forget the flowers, but never the failure of Mr. Grumble to support her.

   Before all the men start saying how women have trouble containing their emotions, we can apply it to men also.  How about when Mrs. Grumble asks Mr. Grumble during the football party he is hosting with his friends if he remembered to pick up his prescription for Viagra!  My guess it wouldn't mean much to Mrs. Grumble.  Mr. Grumble might think it is a relatively large issue.   Again, the teasing will taper off, but Mr. Grumble will not forget Mrs. Grumble cutting him off at the knees and taking his manhood away from him in front of his friends.

   The trouble with feelings are they are exactly that.  Feelings. A spontaneous inner reaction to a person, place, or situation.  They are neither right or wrong. They don't last forever.  They are not a reason for murder (Mrs. Grumble) or an affair (Mr. Grumble). They are frequently not based on reality. They are merely part of being human.  Enjoy the pleasant feelings, understand the uncomfortable ones, but base your marriage on mutual love and respect.  Love, Honor, and Cherish.  These are not feelings, but actions.  They are things you do. These are the basis of a great marriage!